Monday, 25 October 2010

SEX WITH STRANGERS

Getting your rocks off is not rocket science- degrees are not required, though a degree of collaborative empathy is to be desired even when having sex with strangers. Which brings me neatly to an apt announcement- I have long admired the writing of the sexually playful American Poet Jack Henry and though we are divided by the Atlantic I have finally persuaded the rogue to slip between the same covers with me. We have agreed to collaborate, pursue intimate levels of intercourse, flash on Windows Messenger and eventually jointly splash out on publishing a new volume for grown-ups entitled SEX WITH STRANGERS- 20 very explicit literary pieces from each of us accompanied by 20 lavish and very explicit full page black and white illustrations from the hand of Dan-Paul Flores. Needless to say- but I’m saying it nevertheless, ancient pictorial editions of The Karma Sutra are being suitably thumbed. I am busy photographing latrines and cruising grounds- oh joy; more surfing on www.squirt.org Our hope is that the book will be shocking, shockingly beautiful and consequently utterly essential.
My recent investigations show that professionally strange very buff men can be had for £1000 per night- the hours specified were between 9pm and 6am I guess because these beasts also have day jobs. Now there would be the frissons for me; what would they be- the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker or the banker? I wanted to buy a Billy Doll Banker in a Porn Shop on Melrose Drive L.A.- the muscle mary serving, you know the type, looks like Tarzan sounds like Jane squealed at me how they’d had a sudden run on those. Loving Genet as I do I settled for the sailor version. In any event all the dolls are ludicrously hung with very detailed hang down semi-tumescent veiny duff plungers. I digress. One supposes that an expensive professional will have standards. Less well off gays have to make do with desperate and cheap rent or utterly free amateur strangers- it wouldn’t be good to shine a strong light on any of these. Taking them home is a grave error- the dawn is so bright and I am immediately reminded of Allan Carr saying to his overnighter ‘You have a lie in while I go to the bathroom and scrub my cock with wire-wool.’ Oh yes. There are pitfalls. It is precisely because there are profound pitfalls that the gay community is never very forthcoming about such activity. They say they know it’s going on but never in their lunch box. The dirty lying bastards. Mattress munching and hypocrisy who’d have thought they’d be joined at the hip. Hence the book project and this blog today.
I am also reminded of the day I was photographing Gay Pride in Brighton; I always politely ask anyone before I steal a fragment of their soul- these two guys toned to their hind teeth and dressed TO BE SEEN feigned shyness and told me that they hated being looked. Rot and fucking poppycock. That is the Gay Scene in a furry nutshell- do one thing and keep it quiet, say another and call it a flaming riot. Judge for yourselves because that is what this unforgiving world does- it judges. Some unrestrained honesty from the constantly oppressed minorities would be refreshing. CM. 


Image by CM for eye2eyedesigns international
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SERIOUSLY- SOME OF US ARE STILL KILLED FOR LOVE

HAVING A LAUGH

‎'Put your hands up any heteros in the house. Ah bless. Now put your fists up any gays in the house! Wow! That's more like it- marvellous. I've got this day job, a nice little earner- sales rep for KY Jelly. Look- I know it's a stretch madam but this is supposed to be a laugh. Don't tell me your self-lubricating you're in the OAP seats.' CM


'The fossil stand-up with a walking frame, John Rivers- who thinks jewellery should yell CHEAP louder than fucking canaries on acid said of Yoko Ono- if she found her floating in her pool then she'd punish her dog. I knew that heartless bitch could be cruel to dogs.' CM

THE QUEER MESSIAH BANNED

THE QUEER MESSIAH BANNED
Soon to be in an HMV store near you- we wish. NO CHANCE this version with Lee Plonker was disbanded. It has risen like a phoenix from the fires of disappointment though. YAY!

DUREX TINGLE LUBE

DUREX TINGLE LUBE
It works. Course I have. Fab.

THE RUMOUR-MONGERS TONGUE LASHING NEWS DESK

MORTAL INSTRUMENTS Such are the demands of Hollywood that Lily Collins has to continue to pretend that her former relationship with JCB is in fact alive. A little bird tells me it as a dead as a DODO which was a very big bird indeed. Ha. Just like the writer of Mortal Instruments. Believe me the best thing about this movie franchise will be LILY COLLINS who has just delivered the performance of her life in the soon to be released LOVE ROSIE. An Oscar nomination beckons I reckon. And yes, I am in a position to know. THE NEXT LAME DEVELOPMENT IN SELF-PUBLISHING Saddo outfits such as the much fanned ONEIROS BOOKS actually self-publish authors who are too cowardly, lazy, lousy or inept to self-publish themselves. HILARIOUS. Of course you have to get through the onerous filtering processes. Licking arse helps. Judging by this house's nauseatingly variable standard of output the filters in place are utterly worthless. The poetry editor has no understanding of POETRY per se and is a piss-poor poet by any standard. They openly applaud themselves for being revolutionary. Pathetic. They are but a further evolution of the self-affirmation model and the modernly sociopathic ego. Steer clear. Do not indulge their risible waste of tree.

ALWAYS PRACTICE

ALWAYS PRACTICE
until you're absolutely perfect at it.

HAVE FUN

HAVE FUN
with the total freedom to be and love who you are without complaint or restraint.

GOGGLE GIGGLE BOX CAMP FAVES

TOP 25 TUNES PREVIEWS

THE QUEER MESSIAH BANNED


QUEER MESSIAH BANNED PLAYER

This is where the first tracks for the new band will shortly appear but meanwhile I will be showcasing songs from prior collaborations- this first one CALIFORNIAN QUEEN is from the album CERULEAN BLUE that I wrote with the genius Dominic Shaw. I do the spoken word and he does the lead vocals and instruments. He is not a gay man and is now heavily into ambient music. The album was loved by Phil Collins, Hit and Run Music and EMI- but eight years ago no-one had any idea how to market it.