Wednesday, 20 October 2010
To be honest I was neither shocked nor rocked by Gay Times' recent signature article on arse fucking 'Be A Better Bottom'- cute headline but the bottom line really is that it was not at all innovatively informative and was somewhat patronising; a sad trend for this gay glossy which survives on half its pages being devoted to pink pound advertising the largest percentage of which is for gratuitous sex services. Check out the increasingly graphic escort ads.
Surprise surprise but gay men do know about rectal sex! OK it took a Radio 1 DJ weeks to determine that Frankie Goes To Hollywood's hit 'Relax' was about butt stuffing but he was a straight man- the BBC do employ some.
Amazingly this pointless article- it gave no direct advice as to maximise cleanliness or minimise pain, ended with this quote by Gordon Mundie a health expert from the Terrence Higgins Trust 'People have been having anal sex for thousands of years. Straight men, heterosexual women and lesbians all stick stuff up their bottoms. The muscles in your arse will stretch but they'll go back to how they were. Lots of gay men have been taking it up the arse for years and I don't know any who are wearing a nappy as a result.'
It hurts- less with practice. A big cock hurts more. A fist- don't go there, though I know some do; they are masochists. Lube helps greatly AND a condom- always use water based lube to secure the barrier viability of the condom. Bleeding is not uncommon.
Research rectal douching- you can buy bathroom kits.
All that aside I find it deeply freaking to read that the gay world is still pussy footing about this subject which has always been far from a bunch of violets. Male rape happens- no candles and whale music there. There are 'sex with strangers' back rooms in almost every gay night club worldwide- without the light on any pretence at cleanliness is just laughable. Those places make sleaze pigs smile. When you fuck butt expect to encounter shit.
Gay Times, true to form, fought shy of the dark side- Madonna, Madonna. In the same arena there are young gay guys who are desperate to feel a sense of profound belonging and for them being fucked up the arse is just not enough- they crave to be gang banged by HIV positive gay men; they want to hurt, to bleed and get infected. They want that because they believe, in this twisted world, that without the virus they are not entirely gay. They call themselves bugcatchers and they go to bugcatching parties where the modus operandi is unsafe sex.
- DOG HELP ME
- NOT OFTEN QUOTED
- BUG-CATCHING BUTTS
- DOG HELP ME 2
- GAY HYPOCRISY IS ALIVE AND SICKENING
- WHY THE TRUTH PISSES US OFF
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- DANCE ON MY SON- A possible lyric for the QUEER ME...
- SEX WITH STRANGERS
- NO POOF IS SNOW-WHITE
- BRING IT ON TOMORROW- new lyric for THE QUEER MESS...
- COCK MATTERS
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INFAMOUS EXPLICIT AND CONTENTIOUS CONTENT
- QUEER MESSIAH EXPLICIT AND CONTENTIOUS POETRY AND ...
- THE QUEER MESSIAH BANNED- performance project, mu...
- CHRIS MADOCH ART
- THE QUEER MESSIAH'S GALLERY OF HOT GAY IMAGES
- QUEER MESSIAH SHORT FICTION
- THE QUEER MESSIAH QUOTE UNQUOTE
- QUEER MESSIAH JOURNALISM
- QUEER MESSIAH THE BOOK- RUMOURS FROM THE BALCONY
- STRICTLY SAPPHIC
HAVING A LAUGH
'Put your hands up any heteros in the house. Ah bless. Now put your fists up any gays in the house! Wow! That's more like it- marvellous. I've got this day job, a nice little earner- sales rep for KY Jelly. Look- I know it's a stretch madam but this is supposed to be a laugh. Don't tell me your self-lubricating you're in the OAP seats.' CM
'The fossil stand-up with a walking frame, John Rivers- who thinks jewellery should yell CHEAP louder than fucking canaries on acid said of Yoko Ono- if she found her floating in her pool then she'd punish her dog. I knew that heartless bitch could be cruel to dogs.' CM
THE RUMOUR-MONGERS TONGUE LASHING NEWS DESK
MORTAL INSTRUMENTS Such are the demands of Hollywood that Lily Collins has to continue to pretend that her former relationship with JCB is in fact alive. A little bird tells me it as a dead as a DODO which was a very big bird indeed. Ha. Just like the writer of Mortal Instruments. Believe me the best thing about this movie franchise will be LILY COLLINS who has just delivered the performance of her life in the soon to be released LOVE ROSIE. An Oscar nomination beckons I reckon. And yes, I am in a position to know. THE NEXT LAME DEVELOPMENT IN SELF-PUBLISHING Saddo outfits such as the much fanned ONEIROS BOOKS actually self-publish authors who are too cowardly, lazy, lousy or inept to self-publish themselves. HILARIOUS. Of course you have to get through the onerous filtering processes. Licking arse helps. Judging by this house's nauseatingly variable standard of output the filters in place are utterly worthless. The poetry editor has no understanding of POETRY per se and is a piss-poor poet by any standard. They openly applaud themselves for being revolutionary. Pathetic. They are but a further evolution of the self-affirmation model and the modernly sociopathic ego. Steer clear. Do not indulge their risible waste of tree.
QUEER MESSIAH BANNED PLAYER
This is where the first tracks for the new band will shortly appear but meanwhile I will be showcasing songs from prior collaborations- this first one CALIFORNIAN QUEEN is from the album CERULEAN BLUE that I wrote with the genius Dominic Shaw. I do the spoken word and he does the lead vocals and instruments. He is not a gay man and is now heavily into ambient music. The album was loved by Phil Collins, Hit and Run Music and EMI- but eight years ago no-one had any idea how to market it.