COCK MATTERS

Image by CM for eye2eye designs international
Copyright 2010 All Rights Reserved

Yesterday in a pedestrian quarter of Chichester- an ancient city on the south coast of the UK, I chanced upon the delights of a not unattractive street entertainer; as part of his act he blew up a purple balloon, long and thin and upward curving, crowd pleasingly phallic. He proceeded to slowly swallow said massive penis substitute to increasing applause from one and all- including my husband and I, parked cosily in our eyrie, a window seat in Starbucks. It got me thinking. Cockcentricity is so widespread- all ages, classes, genders and nationalities. The demographic of the laughing crowd in public on a Saturday afternoon said as much. Fellatio rules. Though no-one would admit to it.

QUEER MESSIAH: Now this is me having fun interacting with Wikipedia on this same issue very close to our gonads- the bishop we so love to spank for pleasure, and all the others we worship and obsess about at approximately five-minute intervals throughout the waking hours which, in truth, may as well be re-named the wanking hours. Today’s blog concerns....

Human penis size

Wikipedia: ‘Human penis size is the measured length and width of the human penis. The most accurate measurement of the human penis comes from several measurements at different times, as there is natural variability in size due to arousal level, time of day, room temperature, frequency of sexual activity, and unreliability of the measurement methods. When compared to other primates, including large primates such as the gorilla, the genitalia of male humans are large, both in absolute terms and in relative size to the rest of the body.’

QUEER MESSIAH: In your deepest darkest moments of penis envy- usually following a masturbational session with gay porn which is deliciously infested with the extreme penis, you can console yourself with the thought that your dick is still going to be bigger than a Silverback Gorilla. Although I did watch the remake of King Kong recently- proportionately he must have also been King Dong. He’d have never fitted his woody into her would he? A little spoken of dark aspect of the movie.

Image by CM for eye2eye designs international
Copyright 2010 All Rights Reserved

W: ‘Penis size results vary, with studies that rely on self-measurement reporting a significantly higher average than those with staff measuring, but a mean human penis is approximately 12.9–15.0 cm (5.1–5.9 in) in length.’

QUEER MESSIAH: Blimey, imagine that- 1] your self-measurement being unreliable NEVER! 2] your penis being a ‘mean’ penis 3] having your stiffie measured by the staff. It sounds so very privileged, frightfully upstairs and downstairs. Fluff me some more m’lord.

W: ‘Flaccid penis length is a poor estimate of erect length. Most of human penis growth happens between infancy and the age of five, and in five years after the onset of puberty. Age is not believed to negatively correlate with penis size, and studies have not found a relation between penis size and race. There is evidence both for and against a link between penis size and the size of other body parts.’

QUEER MESSIAH: Well! I have favourite a video from YouTube where a black man marvellously bemoans the fact that their sexual partners have exaggerated expectations and that there are in fact many black men with average size penises and smaller. I am Welsh with freckles have large ears and size eleven feet. Say no more.

Web images of cut and uncut cocks
in flaccid and erect states

W: ‘Some environmental factors in addition to genetic, such as the presence of endocrine disrupters, can affect penis growth. An adult penis with an erect length of less than 7 cm or just over 2 inches but otherwise formed normally is referred to in a medical context as having the micropenis condition.’

Web image of an ERECT micropenis

QUEER MESSIAH: Now this illustration was illuminating- and if you can be bothered to search me out as sgryptogenus on YouTube you will find that I have a channel called, unsurprisingly THE QUEER MESSIAH, and you will additionally find that I have a favourite video from Finland there about a club for men with small penises. SURPRISE- here it is. It is beautiful and poignant.

Perceptions of penis size

W: ‘Perceptions of penis size are culture-specific. In Ancient Greece and in Renaissance art, an uncircumcised and small penis was culturally seen as desirable in a man, whereas a bigger or circumcised penis was viewed as comical or grotesque. Ancient Rome may have had a contrary view, and a larger penis size was preferred in medieval Arabic Literature.’

QUEER MESSIAH: I remember fondly, gazing up at the statue of Michelangelo’s breathtakingly beautiful David and thinking, like most of the girls in my class, what’s all the fuss about- it’s not going to hurt half as much as it’s rumoured. Yes I got a semi. I was eleven.

David's pants

W: ‘Males may quite easily underestimate the size of their own penis relative to that of others, and many men who believe that their penis is of inadequate size have average-sized penises. The perception of having a large penis is linked to higher self esteem in general, but also among gay men specifically.’

QUEER MESSIAH: We only have our greedy selves to blame- oh, and the megalithic Millivres and the rest of the Gay Sex Industry. I once owned a latex reproduction of a porn star’s cock we bought in Prowler. It was implausible; an ice breaker at dinner parties; not in the least practical, our eyes did not deceive us and neither of us made the attempt. It would only have been of sexual use to those practiced in the grim art of fisting. We eventually gave it away to friends in the East End of London.

A phallic tree in Africa

W: ‘For women, width rather than length is a more important factor of sexual stimulation. Marketers of penis enlargement products exploit fears of inadequacy, but there is no consensus in the scientific community of any non-surgical technique that permanently increases either the thickness or length of the erect penis that already falls into the normal range.’

QUEER MESSIAH: Which should bring an end to the sales of those ridiculous vacuum pumps- a fool is easily parted from their pink pounds. ER facilities need no longer be plagued by damaged dicks subjected to prolonged stretching by the deployment of string and a house brick. Wise up.

Historical perceptions

W:’According to Kenneth Dover's landmark study "Greek Homosexuality", Greek art had extreme interest in the genitals, but was not obsessed with size. The weekly Q&A column "The Straight Dope" deduces, based on pornographic Greek art work and Dover's aforementioned study, that in Ancient Greece an uncircumcised and small penis was culturally seen as desirable in a man, whereas a bigger or circumcised penis was viewed as comical or grotesque (at least in the high-brow view), usually being found on "fertility gods, half-animal critters such as satyrs, ugly old men, and barbarians."

QUEER MESSIAH: Mind does it for me every time. BUT now this I love.

W: ‘Penis size is also alluded to in the Bible: “In the same way, I became disgusted with Oholibah and rejected her, just as I had rejected her sister, because she flaunted herself before them and gave herself to satisfy their lusts. Yet she turned to even greater prostitution, remembering her youth when she was a prostitute in Egypt. She lusted after lovers with genitals as large as a donkey’s and emissions like those of a horse. Ezekiel 23:18–20, NEW LIVING TRANSLATION’

QUEER MESSIAH: This comes from The Old Testament- a history of the ancient Jews and not at all a Christian Religious Text, a collection of mythic and idiosyncratic writings that have allowed deluded bigots to attack whomsoever they like since time immemorial. Visit the notorious www.godhatesfaggots.com for proof of that. If gays are sinners then so are so are people who wear clothes composed of two threads. And who’d have thought that the revered Ezekiel would have ‘allegedly’ written  ‘She lusted after lovers with genitals as large as a donkey’s and emissions like those of a horse.’ Off with his head! What utter garbage it all is.

Web image of the notorious American Baptist Church
whose mission is to eliminate Gays

Male self-perception

W: ‘Males may quite easily underestimate the size of their own penis relative to that of others, because of the foreshortening obtained from looking down, or because of the accumulation of fat at the base of the penis. A survey by sexologists showed that many men who believed that their penis was of inadequate size had average-sized penises. Another study found sex education of standard penile measurements to be helpful and relieving for patients concerned about small penis size, most of whom had incorrect beliefs of what is considered medically normal. The perception of having a large penis is linked to higher self esteem.’

QUEER MESSIAH: So get a grip and remember that it’s what you do with it that matters. Practice practice practice. A bad lover never blames his tool.

Among gay men

W: ‘A study undertaken at Utrecht University found that the majority of homosexual men in the study regarded a large penis as ideal, and having one was linked to self esteem. One study analysing the self-reported Kinsey data set found that homosexual men had statistically larger penises than their heterosexual counterparts. One potential explanation given is a difference in the exposure to androgen hormones in the developing embryo. Evidence points towards men of each of these two orientations being equally likely to exaggerate the size of their penis.’

QUEER MESSIAH: Gay men exaggerate everything. Get real, embrace honesty and be so much happier. CM